Broken Brain Chemicals

The thing I know I am: enough.

I know I’m “beauty standard pretty,”

Intelligent, witty, creative.

I know I’m strong.

I’m self-aware.

I know I’m passionate and loving.

I’m all these things.

Yet,

With all that knowledge of myself,

I still have the moments of “what if I’m not enough?”

Because let’s face it,

Maybe I’m not?

I mean, yeah, I am, but there will always be the negative things.

I’m sometimes too strong.

Too loud.

Too opinionated.

Fall too fast.

I’ve been told I’m unlovable.

Unkind.

Selfish.

Arrogant.

Too small.

Stupid.

Flighty.

Too big.

Those are all nice things to hear from people you love when the chemicals in your brain are already saying them.

Because God,

Though righteous, perfect and claiming I’m “wonderfully made,”

Gave me broken brain chemicals.

If I’m made in God’s image, handcrafted and pieced together by the Almighty,

Why does my brain hate me?

Why does living hurt sometimes?

Why did God give me broken brain chemicals?

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