never ending purgatory and false time

time doesn't feel real to me

maybe it's because nothing does

wait

let's backtrack

some things feel real to me:

warm weather

hot

sunny

weather

it's too warm

the sun is too bright

but it has a way of reminding me

I'm alive

laughter

laughs of my favorite people

my friends

my family

echoing in my ears

surrounding me

kind of like an embrace

but time

doesn't

feel

real

for example:

today is thursday

but it feels like the last few days

were all one

it shouldn't be thursday

it's sunday in my head

although

that's coming from a girl

who sometimes doesn't believe she's alive

because life doesn't seem real either

I sometimes think I died a long time ago

and this is just my endless purgatory

what an odd combination:

never ending purgatory and false time

it just continues until actual death