six baths.

I have ran a bath six times today.

It doesn’t seem like much,

Or that big of a deal,

But the water is nothing but hot.

Scolding.

Painful.

I have ran a bath six times today

Because it’s the closest thing to feeling

Anything other than sadness.

Anything other than constant regret.

It’s the easiest form of self harm that isn’t visible

To the naked eye.

I’m the only one that knows it’s happening.

Because I’d rather feel the scolding hot water on my skin,

Than the way my heart is breaking

Knowing I’ve wasted three years of my life, loving someone

Who may never love me.

Who may never want a future with me.