*long post ahead, grab something to snack on and a nice cup of coffee because this is a true Coffee Time with Erin chat*
Hi, guys. Long time, no chat. I feel like we haven't had a nice long heart to heart in a very long while. Let me update you on a few things and then we'll dive in to todays topic. The last seven months have been some of the most overwhelming, challenging, and rewarding months I have experienced in a bit. (aside from the fall, but we all know how that went). Aside from starting a new job - one that is going really well and that I love, I have managed to stray away from all my spiritual practices, hobbies, and self care. I haven't stepped foot in Indigo Roots since the fall, haven't unrolled my mat, and honestly, haven't even taken the time to sit and relax. I've done a lot of sitting, but it's always accompanied by anxiety, shame, and guilt. The past month, the last two weeks especially, I have felt as if I'm not doing enough in life. That I'm "behind" in some race that I didn't know I was participating in. I've stopped listening to my inner self, my higher frequency, and God. They're all yelling at me, but my ears are closed off to anything they have to say.
This passed week, I have decided that I need more to life. I need more than just getting up, going to work, and sleeping. I needed to take care of my spiritual body and my physical body since that has fallen to the bottom of the list of things that were important. Today I woke up and checked facebook and the first thing I saw was a link to an article about the New Moon in Cancer that happened on the 9th, posted by my good friend, Shannon in the new moon group she has for the studio (linked below). The studio was having their intention setting circle today, as they do every new moon. I felt this calling, if you will to sign up and participate. I mean, I haven't been to a circle in over a year, haven't even been to the studio in months, and was looking for a way to get back into any spiritual practices - so you could say the universe was giving me a sign (I just didn't realize it yet). In some ways I have also been feeling alone, even though I'm technically not, so I thought it would be a good idea to be in a safe space with other women.
I packed my bag that I carry with my journals and writing things and headed to the studio. When I parked I reached into my bag, blindly grabbing a journal and a pen. The first thing that happened when I got inside was I walked up to the third floor where the circle was being held, and ran into a woman, Dody. She was also attending. We happened to be locked out, so we sat on the steps and chatted about how she just started coming to the studio a few months ago and I was starting to come back. Let me tell you, just with that first interaction, I felt a little bit safer. Not in a "I'm feel physically in danger" way, but it felt like this: I pick up on peoples energies all the time. When I first meet someone, I can just tell if they're going to impact my life in a positive way, or suck the energy from me. Dody felt peaceful, kind, and loving. That felt like a sign from the universe and God that coming to the circle was a good choice.
The second major thing that happened before the real stuff began was seeing Shannon. I met Shannon in the beginning of 2019 after my mom bought me a pass to go to six classes at Indigo Roots. When I met her two years ago I had no idea the impact she would have on my life. She gave me a safe space and a family outside of my already good one at home. I felt like no matter what I had people in my corner. Seeing her today I felt the anxiety drift away a little bit more. I don't know if it's her voice or the way she says things, but she really does make you feel not only like you belong, but grateful you have a place to belong.
Here's the whole point of this story: the actual circle. We were still a little early for the start time, so we had time to sit in circle and each pull a card from the Animal Spirit Deck. I haven't pulled any type of card in a long time as that is part of the practice I have stepped away from. The card I pulled was the Koi Fish Spirt: There Is Always Enough (pictured below). I read the page for it in the book and it talked about "generating wealth within, attracting opportunities, and abundance you need." I didn't understand it until it was my turn to share, but that my friends, was a sign. I have been saying for well over a month that I needed more to life and that I was doing enough, or that I didn't have enough, or I wasn't enough. Then the card I drew says "there is always enough." What? That definitely slowed my anxieties I've been having because I knew that was God's way of telling me, "hey, stop stressing. You have enough, just open your eyes."
The circle began and we started discussing the whole idea and meaning of the New Moon in Cancer. To summarize it, the most important ideas for this lunar cycle is to tune inwards and embrace your inner child and your inner parent, take hold of the idea of self care then taking care of others (i.e. put your oxygen mask on first, then someone else's because you can't help others if you don't help yourself first), and finding somewhere to feel held, and safe. On July 13, a new chapter in relations to relationships, finances, sexuality, and self expression open up. To prepare for that, today we should release old values and limits around love, abundance, creativity and desire. Another good idea to apply to your life this cycle is to set intention to recommit to spiritual practices and connect to your emotions.
So you're probably wondering why that is important enough for me to dedicate a post to and how it made for a "spiritual awakening" for me today. Well for starters, I told you about the Koi Fish card lining up with my recent thoughts, so that's crazy. Then the ideas of the New Moon in Cancer apply to the last few days where I was telling myself that I need to start taking better care of my spiritual body and mind again - tuning inwards and self care. At the same time an intention to set is the whole recommitting to spiritual practices. Isn't that what I'm doing by diving back into circle and mediation to help heal myself? I had no idea going in that I was doing exactly what I was meant to do by the moon this weekend.
We all went around and shared with the group things that have happened over the last month, our intentions or our connections to how the universe and the moon literally tied everything together. One of the women that shared, Lorre, said somethings that were going on in her life that were somehow also going on in my life. I met Lorre back in the day when I first started going to the studio. I stopped in during a shop hop event and she was selling her book, The Gift of the Ubi. I will always remember this moment: she gave me a copy for free, not knowing that a few years later she would be a person I connected with in circle. Her energy also made me feel safe. The way she told stories and talked about her life made me physically smile because the energy she was radiating made the room light up.
We were leaving and Dody told me she leaves sea shells in the studio and that I was more than welcome to take one. I'm not sure the meaning of the shell yet, but it probably has some reason as to why its now in my life. She told me that seeds grow in darkness, so I'm going to blossom soon. I grabbed my shell and was about to leave when Diane stopped me. She pulled me into a hug. It wasn't like any other hug I have felt in a while. This one was strong and it made me feel physically safe. It made me feel held. In all honesty, it made me cry because it was so full of love and gratitude that I haven't felt in a long time. It was warm to my body, but soothing to my soul. She told me that she sees a Goddess forming in me.
I cried my way to work, and felt changed while I did my job. Later, I drove home. I was thinking about all that has happened today and how lucky I am to have such an amazing community as well as how cleansed my soul felt. I shuffled my playlist and one of my all time favorite songs came on: Clean by Taylor Swif (linked below). It has such a special place in my heart and has helped me through so much. I was singing along and no joke, a huge sign from the universe came to me in the car. Her lyrics, "rain came pouring down. When I was drowning, that's when I could finally breathe" played and out of nowhere it started heavily raining. It had been clear pretty much all day and not a drop of rain came down until that song played. Then it turned into a soft sprinkle when the song ended.
I don't know about you guys, but I believe that nothing happens on accident. There are no mistakes. The universe or God or whatever you believe in is always there guiding you, sometimes you just have to sit and listen to what is being said. I don't believe in coincidences. I truly believe that everything that happened today, everything I learned and everything I felt was meant to be. I cannot wait to continue this journey of discovering myself. I'm excited to love myself even more a long the way.
I hope you guys have a wonderful week. Drink lots of water and take care of yourselves.
*bum pats*
All the love,
E
important links & stuff from the post
Read the article I mentioned about the New Moon in Cancer here: https://www.moonomens.com/new-moon-in-cancer-july-2021/?fbclid=IwAR201VwKnBeQg4D-32f8lwzXShMHr2LroJ43nU5kQLXA_XW80Jc_BXteTwU
Here is the Animal Spirit Deck Card I pulled:
Listen to Clean here: https://open.spotify.com/track/4bXCcoesMt8u99xMsbLr9U?si=47956a9bfa4d4dc9