grief

I know God heals what time can't,

but death changes even the ugliest

thoughts you could imagine.

I just didn't realize it until

it was my turn to experience

the loss of someone I loved.

the saddest, darkest &

most unnerving feelings enter

my head at approximately 2:52 A.M.

every night.

if I told you the things

my brain has whispered to me

in the moonlight, you'd question

if I were truly okay.

they're chilling, the voices in my head.

you would think that losing one of

the greatest people I've ever known

would intensify them - make them worse.

but it didn't.

in fact, the voices are silent.

my brain has slowed down.

I get to turn twenty-six next week

and for the first time in over ten years,

I feel the need to live.

to love.

to be.

death is hard to deal with,

& i've always known that to be the case,

but I never thought grieving would turn into living.

and man, do I want to live.

We miss you, Papaw. 🤍