I know God heals what time can't,
but death changes even the ugliest
thoughts you could imagine.
I just didn't realize it until
it was my turn to experience
the loss of someone I loved.
the saddest, darkest &
most unnerving feelings enter
my head at approximately 2:52 A.M.
if I told you the things
my brain has whispered to me
in the moonlight, you'd question
if I were truly okay.
they're chilling, the voices in my head.
you would think that losing one of
the greatest people I've ever known
would intensify them - make them worse.
but it didn't.
in fact, the voices are silent.
my brain has slowed down.
I get to turn twenty-six next week
and for the first time in over ten years,
I feel the need to live.
death is hard to deal with,
& i've always known that to be the case,
but I never thought grieving would turn into living.
and man, do I want to live.
We miss you, Papaw. 🤍