I'm forever going to be an Autumn girl - the color change of the leaves, the sweaters, the pumpkin spice everything, HALLOWEEN, it's all too amazing. Does that make me sound like a "basic bitch?" Yes. Maybe. That will never change the fact that I would die for fall to be all year round. However, in the last two years, summer, though way too fucking hot and still not that amazing, has become something I've fallen in love with. From the outdoor concerts at Riverbend, to the patio area of The Dive Bar in Cincinnati, to miles and miles walking to The Skull in Athens, summer has made me fall in love with people, cities, and adventures I never thought possible. And trust me, I've gone to plenty of concerts at Riverbend and the like, blacked out at The Dive one too many times, and practically ran up and down a hill to and from The Skull because I "wanted to sleep with a biker" and then realized bikers are actually scary. I've met some of the most important people in my life midsummer. I've kissed men that I've learned to love and forget on a porch in the heat under the stars. I've danced under field lights barefooted with the smell of weed and beer around me. I have fallen in love with summer.
That being said, summer has also been one of the hardest seasons I've had to endure in such a long time. Summer of '18, I fell in love with someone at a Weezer concert that could never love me back. I gained and lost a best friend all because of a kiss that I felt overly excited about. I let myself open up to only be taught that, maybe, just maybe I shouldn't love so easily. I faced my biggest fear of sexual intimacy and lost my virginity only to realize that it's not that game changing, exciting or even that great of a time when your heart and your brain aren't on the same page. Lesson to be learned there - have sex with someone you're comfortable with, like I did, but DO NOT THINK. Thinking is what gets you hit in the face with what feels like a brick, but really is just a whole fucking lot of uncomfortable butterfly feelings in your stomach that even after a year, won't go away even after the guy did.
Summer '19, I still love a man I shouldn't because the timing isn't right or maybe we both just suck for each other, whatever you want to believe. Luckily, I had the dignity to end the friendship of literal madness. Even though it is so hard, I'm so proud of myself for putting my heart first and realizing my worth, though a year behind. I got close to new friends that I truly believe will be in my life until the world bursts into flames, Mia, Nikki, Lacey, Amber & Mikayla, you guys rock - thank you for making summer worth it (and for helping me not lose my fucking mind). I got my first tattoo this summer as well, which doesn't seem like a thing that would make me fall in love with summer, but if you know me, this is facing another big fear similar to intimacy, needles. Though the bumble bee is small, it is a reminder of how summer has grown on me.
Summer may be super hot, full of bugs, and tiring as a 21 year old with the personality of a senior citizen, but my relationship with summer over the last two years has definitely grown. I can't wait to see where the last few weeks of summer take me, and how amazing it will make the fall.